Therapy for Shame, Self-Criticism & Low Self-Esteem
“I can’t do anything right.”
“I’m so lazy.”
“I don’t deserve love.”
Shame can develop when you've repeatedly received messages (directly or indirectly), that you're not good enough, that you're too much or not enough, or that you need to be different to be accepted. Family expectations, relationships, cultural messages, and social pressures can all shape the way you see yourself. Over time, these messages can become an inner voice that is harsh, critical, and difficult to turn off.
You may find yourself questioning your worth, second-guessing your decisions, or feeling like you have to achieve, please others, or get everything right in order to feel okay about yourself.
Shame and self-criticism can show up in many ways, including:
Body image concerns
Low self-esteem
Feeling worthless or not good enough
Worrying excessively about other people’s opinions
Putting yourself down when you make a mistake
Getting angry with yourself or punishing yourself for mistakes
Feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of
Wanting to hide or isolate yourself
Feeling like an outsider or like you don't fit in
Feeling unable to be your authentic self
A Compassionate Approach to Healing Shame
Shame can be deeply rooted, and simply telling yourself to “be more confident” usually isn't enough. In therapy, we'll explore where your self-critical patterns come from and how they've shaped the way you relate to yourself and others.
I use approaches including IFS-informed parts work, ACT, DBT, and trauma-informed therapy to help you develop greater self-compassion, emotional flexibility, and a more balanced sense of yourself. Together, we'll work toward responding to mistakes and difficult emotions with understanding rather than criticism or punishment.
When Shame Shows Up as Perfectionism or People-Pleasing
Sometimes shame doesn't feel like shame. It can look like perfectionism, constantly trying to prove yourself, difficulty saying no, or putting everyone else's needs ahead of your own. You may feel that you have to perform, achieve, or keep others happy in order to feel worthy or secure.
Therapy can help you understand these patterns and begin developing a healthier relationship with yourself—one that isn't dependent on achievement, approval, or getting everything right.
Developing a More Compassionate Relationship With Yourself
You don't have to keep living with an inner voice that constantly tells you that you're not enough. Therapy can provide a space to understand where that voice came from, develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself, and begin making choices based on your values rather than fear, shame, or the need for approval.
If shame, self-criticism, perfectionism, or people-pleasing is keeping you from feeling fully yourself, I'd be glad to explore whether therapy might be a good fit.